I'll admit it right here, right now: I am an avid Facebook user. I enjoy seeing what other people have been up to in their lives, and I check every day. That doesn't make me a stalker, does it? Oh well. Anyway, I have a few things that I need to get off my chest. Since when did the standards of “friending” someone on Facebook go right out the window? Because I gave you a tampon in the bathroom of a bar, does that make us friends? Shouldn’t I actually know you and consider you a “friend” if you’re going to be one on Facebook? I don’t have that much disdain for people who “friend” me when we have a lot of friends in common. I get it, maybe you would like to be my friend, but I will tell you it’s not as good as it seems!
Here’s the thing that bothers me. I have been getting random requests lately from people I have zero mutual friends in common with. I recently got a “friend” request from a guy I didn’t know. I clicked on his page and saw that he was married! Now I ask you, why would this guy want to be my friend? Just because his wife probably isn’t into his receding hairline, does he think I would be? Have a little integrity, it’s Facebook, not Ashleymadison.com! Yesterday, I got a friend request from a guy whose picture was him and his parrot! I would have possibly accepted his request if it was just the parrot. However, older man and his parrot, I must choose to ignore you. It makes me wonder how these people even find me.
Recently, some girl “friended” my guy friend on Facebook. He screamed, “YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS GIRL,” so, I ran over and looked at the picture. The girl was beautiful but looked oddly familiar. Then it hit me, that girl looks like Liv Tyler, in fact, that is Liv Tyler. Honestly, what did this girl, who is clearly not Liv Tyler think was going to happen? She was going to meet a guy via Facebook and they were going to go out and he wouldn’t notice when Jabba the Hut shows up instead of Liv Tyler! This is real life not a Jack Black movie!
Nowadays, apparently, “de-friending” someone on Facebook is more offensive than farting in someone’s face. When I first joined Facebook, I had no standards, just like guys after 12 beers. Now, however, I have been frustrated from getting invited to join groups and events from people I have not spoken to. That's when I decided it was time to cleanup my Facebook friends. A few weeks later, I found out how “offensive” it is to de-friend someone. I heard through the grape vine that my most recent ex boyfriend was offended that I de-friended him! You’re seriously offended? We haven’t had any human contact in a year and not being friends on Facebook bothers you? So I got the memo, apparently, de-friending someone on Facebook means you are cutting them out of your life as a whole. Dead and gone like Justin Timberlake says.
Even though I am not ready to fully quit Facebook I do have a moral to my story. Next time someone decides to friend me on Facebook, at least make sure that you either know me or your in finance.
