Well, it’s that dreaded day of the week again and after a nice weekend of dinners at trendy restaurants in the West Village and drinks at the coolest new bars Tribeca has to offer, you're back at your desk wallowing in the misery of the day to come. Hopefully my sarcastic point of view and downright acerbic tone will bring a smile to your face and remind you not to take anything too seriously. Today's “Three Reasons I Don’t Miss Facebook” has a theme. Drum roll please, the theme is Groups. During my 6 years on Facebook I've been invited to the most absurd groups you can imagine. Actually, I don’t have to tell you because im sure you’ve been invited too. Listed below are some of the groups that I loathed.
3-Because I could care less if your Dad joins Facebook.
Tell me why you think I care to help you peer pressure your dad into creating a Facebook account? We’ve all been invited to a group like this before. It looks a little something like, “If 7,000 join this group, Michael’s Dad will make a facebook account.” Awesome Michael, your dad is in his mid-fifties and has made a nice life for himself without your help and you are trying to sucker him into joining facebook. Why? He clearly has no interest, and most likely thinks you’re a dork now that you’ve made this your new mission of the week. Good job buddy, if I were you I'd start discussing the Jets with your dad immediately, it may help you redeem yourself.
2-Because I think your parties are really lame, please stop inviting me.
The “sickest” parties of the year are definitely not the ones that you are promoting. If you need to start a group on facebook and invite girls you don’t even know, I’m telling you now, your parties are lame. Before quitting facebook I received a message from a random guy who runs a group promoting his parties (who probably was just like this guy, Bobby Bottle Service). He said, “I think your really gorgeouzzzz, please help me by attending the sickessst parties ever.” Now, you may or may not know me, but just from reading what I’ve been writing I bet you can get a good idea of what my response was. No need to share my caustic comments with you, I know you get the point. And by the way, using the letter Z numerous times when it really should be the letter S should be a warning sign folks, DO NOT JOIN THIS GROUP.
1- Because I highly doubt by joining this group I’ll really be saving the earth.
Here’s a thought, if you’re really looking to make a positive contribution to this world, why don’t you go out and physically do it? I’m not claiming to be Mother Teresa, but you and I both know that just by joining the group, “Help save the Mongolian Rain Forest,” we’re really making no difference to the poor little tree monkeys. I know that there are some groups that actually do make a difference so please don’t be offended by my generalization. However, I know that if I’m invited to, “Help raise Intestinal Health Awareness,” the only way ill actually be helping is if I don’t join. No need to give someone the idea that they are promoting something that they actually aren’t. So keep in mind, you want to “be the difference,” get out there and be it, don’t hide behind your computer screen.
So, there you have it. Have a lovely day and check back tomorrow for some sarcasm with a side of wry.
